top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]AJockeysBallsackCome on, lady, I'm not *that* cool... 413 points414 points  (4 children)

Are you going to be handsome forever, and never, ever require a mask to cover a hideous disfiguring scar?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 555 points556 points  (3 children)

Weirdly specific question.

But yes.

[–]Captain_Excellent 100 points101 points  (2 children)

I'm having a great day, minding my own business in Fyrestone. I certainly hope that I don't get ambushed by skags and have my gun split up into 4 separate pieces!

[–]jaseface1 247 points248 points  (21 children)

What's been your funniest kill?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 534 points535 points  (18 children)

First wife.

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 628 points629 points  (16 children)

Oh, wait, you said "funniest." I thought you meant "tragic, violent, and accidental."

[–]AJockeysBallsackCome on, lady, I'm not *that* cool... 155 points156 points  (13 children)

But I thought Angel did it? Wait a minute...

Did you lie?

HEY EVERYBODY! HANDSOME JACK LIES TO PEOPLE ON OCCASION! DON'T ALWAYS TRUST WHAT HE SAYS!

[–]Brraaap 25 points26 points  (3 children)

He said first wife. No one ever said Angel's mother was his first wife.

[–]PolarSuccess 226 points227 points  (5 children)

My girlfriend is dressing up as you for Halloween. Should I be aroused?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 563 points564 points  (3 children)

If you're not, I'm certainly aroused enough for the both of us.

[–]gabrim 229 points230 points  (17 children)

Have you and Mr Torgue ever gone golfing?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 527 points528 points  (4 children)

No, because I value my eardrums and he presumably values not being riddled with goddamn bullets.

[–]TorgueFlexington 107 points108 points  (0 children)

F*CK YOUR DAMN EARDRUMS!

[–]Mr_Torgue_Flexingt0n 19 points20 points  (1 child)

EXPLODING GOLFBALLS ҉

[–]AJockeysBallsackCome on, lady, I'm not *that* cool... 239 points240 points  (11 children)

They never got past the first hole, as Hyperion clubs take 3 swings to reach max accuracy and TORGUE CLUBS F*CKIN EXPLODE ҉

[–]Aethien 26 points27 points  (1 child)

Improving golf one explosion at a time.

[–]decinis 226 points227 points  (8 children)

Handsome, heroic, and way too damned good at your job... I think the REAL question is why those idiot higher ups at Hyperion haven't been bending over backwards and recognizing your potential.

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 530 points531 points  (7 children)

You? You're my kinda ass-kisser. When I electrify every keyboard connected to this AMA, I'll make sure yours is as a low wattage.

Well, low-ish.

[–]Mendicantbias00 88 points89 points  (5 children)

Jokes on you, I'm reading from my cellular device!

[–]GingerlySpeaking 163 points164 points  (3 children)

Nice part about lithium ion batteries?

The part where they explode.

[–]checky 100 points101 points  (2 children)

DID SOMEBODY SAY....EXPLOSIONS? ҉

[–]Brick50CONDUCTOR OF THE POOP TRAIN! 189 points190 points  (9 children)

Handsome Jack, first of all thank you for doing this!

What is your opinion of Wilhelm, Nisha, Claptrap, and Athena each individually?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 491 points492 points  (8 children)

Wilhelm: As far as monosyllabic cyborgs go, an okay dude. Seems pretty dense, easily led. Strongly considering poisoning him in the future in order to dupe my enemies into thinking they've won. Also considering accidentally forgetting to put that line of dialog into the game so it just ends up being super confusing and illogical.

Claptrap: No.

Athena: Weird chick. Prides herself on "loyalty," but the only thing I know about her is that she killed her old boss and blew up his big house of guns. So, uh, yeah, super trust her. Sure she's a straight shooter.

Nisha: She's, uh -- I like her. She's nice. Well not -- not NICE, she's definitely not NICE, but she's got a...like, a thing? About her? That I like? I don't know. It's -- shut up. Next question. Shut up.

[–]Aethien 109 points110 points  (2 children)

Nisha: She's, uh -- I like her. She's nice. Well not -- not NICE, she's definitely not NICE, but she's got a...like, a thing? About her? That I like? I don't know.

Great body and a penchant for murder?

[–]hesitant_blade 88 points89 points  (1 child)

Brunette, great body, distantly related to him, great body... she's perfect man

[–]Loqol 178 points179 points  (9 children)

Why would you hire a CL4P-TP to do anything but open doors for you? What were you thinking trusting him on Elpis?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 388 points389 points  (8 children)

Look, I --

Look. It was a dark time in my life, okay? No real job prospects, no budget to do anything with, boss has it out for me (like, he hired assassins), no bodyguards. So I took a stupid little tin can programmed for dancing and high-pitched whining, I slapped some goddamn guns on him, and installed some stair-climbing subroutines.

We all make mistakes. Mine was not killing every single Claptrap I saw. And getting married.

[–]deltax20aI think I lost the beat. 61 points62 points  (4 children)

That's sort of how I feel every time I log in to our Lotus Notes system.

Even the icon. That yellow icon. Oh god.

[–]gabrim 152 points153 points  (6 children)

Do you ever meet any of the 'war hippies' over at Maliwan? What do they smoke?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 412 points413 points  (5 children)

Batteries, weirdly? It's a -- it's like an e-cig thing, but somehow less cool. Imagine what an e-cig would have bullied in high school. It's like that.

[–]gabrim 150 points151 points  (8 children)

How do you get your hair to look so perfect?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 357 points358 points  (6 children)

Genetics.

And the tears of orphans.

[–]Dan_Fendi 264 points265 points  (9 children)

I have a CL4P-TP steward bot that keeps . . . integrating with every appliance I have with an open port. Is this a bug that's going to be patched any time soon? I called Customer Service and all I got was some dolt who told me to turn it off, then turn it on again. I figured you might know what's up, since you're a coder working for Hyperion.

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 640 points641 points  (6 children)

I'm not tech support, but I've come up with a couple of solutions for the recurring "Claptrap is irritating" problem:

  1. Kill the Claptrap
  2. Kill yourself

It's an either/or thing. I wouldn't do both.

[–]high_sideSurplus rifle 65 points66 points  (0 children)

And now we know Hammerlock's /u/.

[–]NishaTheLawbringer 256 points257 points  (2 children)

Why do you keep staring at me whenever I ask you something? It gets a bit creepy after the first twenty or so times.

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 348 points349 points  (1 child)

Hey, what's -- hey. How are -- what's up. Hey.

Hi, hey.

[–]decinis 126 points127 points  (5 children)

Why do you only wear a glove on one hand? And why is the index finger cut out of it?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 371 points372 points  (4 children)

Ask Nisha.

[–]LumberjackPirate 123 points124 points  (5 children)

Why are there only 6 Sirens in the universe and how the hell did you find that out?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 287 points288 points  (1 child)

Everybody knows that. What, were you raised in a barn? A barn without books about Sirens?

[–]Sko0ter 739 points740 points  (16 children)

Oh man, this is one of them moments. CATCH A RIIIIDE!!!!!

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 874 points875 points  (10 children)

I hope you die.

[–]Sko0ter 152 points153 points  (9 children)

Now that ain't nice Mr. Jack. Yous just mad cause my inventions are givin ya a run for your money!

[–]AMontyPython 110 points111 points  (10 children)

What would the title of the song Taylor Swift writes about you be called?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 326 points327 points  (7 children)

"I'm glad that I finally found a permanent boyfriend in you, Handsome Jack, you are the best and we get along super well, let's kill everyone together"

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 354 points355 points  (5 children)

And then in parentheses, "(also wow you are super good at sex stuff)"

That's all one title

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 108 points109 points  (7 children)

http://imgur.com/YHlwPbB Hey weird, I found another picture of me as a teenager. This is me boarding an interstellar shuttle to my school dance.

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 82 points83 points  (4 children)

And this is me all tired after the dance. I got stood up. http://imgur.com/xuvPEfm

[–]decinis 203 points204 points  (13 children)

How did you ever get so handsome?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 552 points553 points  (12 children)

See? Everyone, look -- look at this.

THIS is a question. Not "wuhgughf what if butt stallion and gugh torgue fought would that be fugughgh fun", not "wharglbhrrh new u stations wharhgh canon."

Just short, direct, and so complimentary that I got to half mast before I'd reached the third syllable.

Be like this guy. Or girl.

Hopefully girl. I'm into girls. Which evidently makes me some sort of outlier on Pandora.

[–]LunarFalcon 73 points74 points  (9 children)

Ooh hey! I'm a girl and totally willing to be arm candy for you. My husband might object but I'm sure you've got a melon baller for him.

[–]psychosaur 84 points85 points  (8 children)

Hmm, dumping me for Jack I see. Let me know that works out for you, dear.

[–]high_sideSurplus rifle 98 points99 points  (4 children)

Mr. Jack,

Do you have any advice for aspiring developers hoping to emulate your meteoric rise at Hyperion?

Also, have you considered any joint projects with Torgue Corp?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 187 points188 points  (3 children)

Sure! My advice to all you sad, mewling little wannabes is: don't! There's already one Handsome Jack, and it ain't you. So if you like your kidneys/house/mother's torso where they are, you'll stay riiiiight on the bottom of the ol' corporate ladder.

[–]NamatophobicAiming? What is that? 92 points93 points  (2 children)

I heard vault hunters are really stupid. Like REALLY REALLY stupid. So stupid that if you hacked their ECHO and told them to do what you say, they probably will without ever asking "Why is there some girl covering my entire vision, why does she know so much about me, and why can she see my every movement?" Is this true?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 151 points152 points  (1 child)

Pahahahaha. Ahhh. So stupid.

So, so, so stupid.

[–]gabrim 310 points311 points  (24 children)

Who took longer to apply their mask every morning: you or Moxxi?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 831 points832 points  (13 children)

It's cute that you think she was still around come morning.

[–]B_For_Dyslexia 149 points150 points  (0 children)

Daaaaamn Jack

[–]glenheartless 78 points79 points  (0 children)

Is that how fast she dumped you?

[–]high_sideSurplus rifle 72 points73 points  (9 children)

Somebody's about to get choked.

[–]AJockeysBallsackCome on, lady, I'm not *that* cool... 154 points155 points  (8 children)

*Ahem*

Strangled.

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 363 points364 points  (2 children)

I like you.

Wait, nevermind, I looked at your username.

I don't like you.

[–]NamatophobicAiming? What is that? 76 points77 points  (2 children)

What is your day to day job like at Hyperion? What kind of place do you work at? Do you have any friends at work?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 244 points245 points  (1 child)

Do I have any fr--pahaha.

Do I have any friends, he asks. Of course I do. I've got tons of friends. God, I have so many friends. Jesus, I can't believe you even asked that. Too many to list here. God, so many friends. Man. You're an idiot.

Man.

[–]gabrim 149 points150 points  (18 children)

Who do you consider to be Hyperions top competitor?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 384 points385 points  (17 children)

People who ask questions about if New-U stations are canon or not.

[–]SalsadipsEXPLOSIONS MOTHERF*CKER 103 points104 points  (14 children)

Well are they? This raises another question: Do you have the ability to respawn through a New-U station?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 319 points320 points  (0 children)

The missiles are already in the air. Stay where you are unless you want to increase the collateral damage.

Which, hey, that'd be pretty funny, so actually screw it go ahead and do that

[–]Eruanno 59 points60 points  (8 children)

Silliest endgame ever: Two New-U stations facing eachother: Vault Hunter shoots Jack, Jack respawns, shoots Vault Hunter, Vault Hunter respawns, shoots Jack -continue to infinity-

[–]Brokunn 70 points71 points  (5 children)

If you rearrange the letters in "Handsome Jack" you can spell "He's a damn jock". Are you aware of the implications?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 202 points203 points  (4 children)

"Oh, Jack, did you realize your name has an interesting anagram? Hey Jack, you definitely didn't run your name through an anagram machine when you decided to completely redefine your personality and found the one that had the most masculine and aggro sentences hiding in it, did you? You're definitely not the smartest goddamn person on Pandora, so there's no way you did any of that, right?"

You goddamn people.

[–]MMX2 71 points72 points  (6 children)

Who do you think would win in a race: the Flash or Sonic the Hedgehog?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 287 points288 points  (5 children)

Sonic, because The Flash is a fictional character.

[–]Smallestnoob 68 points69 points  (2 children)

I love you?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 140 points141 points  (1 child)

Good?

[–]ItsGotToMakeSenseSteeeeeven! 67 points68 points  (2 children)

Jack, we all know you're awesome. But what we're wondering is, how did you become so awesome? Were you born that way or do you have to work for it every day?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 179 points180 points  (1 child)

Some men are born awesome, some have awesomeness thrust upon them, some get incredibly depressed from being labeled a nerd and arbitrarily decide to upend their entire persona and create an awesome new one from scratch.

Not saying which one I am, just observing.

[–]SalsadipsEXPLOSIONS MOTHERF*CKER 248 points249 points  (9 children)

1) Who and where is Angels mother? (Please don't strangle me)

2) How did you get the vault symbol scar on your face

3) Why didn't the Vault Hunters just shoot you when you killed Roland/Kidnapped Lilith?

4) How did you become president of Hyperion?

5) Who did you buy Butt Stallion off?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 613 points614 points  (5 children)

  1. I
  2. Am
  3. Going
  4. To
  5. Murder
  6. You

I answered a bonus question for you!

[–]rambogizmo 65 points66 points  (14 children)

Would you say that RED is Taylor's definitive album, or are you a fan of her earlier works? Personally, I can't wait for 1989.

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 196 points197 points  (13 children)

I've heard some advance tracks from 1989, and it's definitely her best. Though RED is a better encapsulation of her ability to straddle country and pop, so as a quintessential T-Swift album I'd be hard pressed to recommend the more pop-centric 1989 over it, even if it's my personal preference.

One time I choked a guy so hard one of his eyeballs popped out

[–]HydroXXodohRNIPPLE SALAD 60 points61 points  (3 children)

How does the Pandoran moon compare to other moons?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 168 points169 points  (2 children)

Lot more weird accents.

[–]himynameisadam 57 points58 points  (2 children)

Hi Handsome Jack,

Do you see yourself as more of a visionary or an inspiration? Followup: Do you need any yes men?
Followup followup: What is your favorite song from our insignificant planet?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 171 points172 points  (1 child)

I don't have time for people who require multiple followups, unless we're talking about surgeries that give you machine gun arms so you can kill everyone in New Haven for me.

Shout out to my boy Wilhelm.

[–]BallisticGE0RGEThe Bandit Show 62 points63 points  (4 children)

If you could torture any person, at any place in the galaxy, with whatever method you preferred...Who? Where? And what?

Edit - Please don't say me. :(

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 135 points136 points  (3 children)

Too late. Now you've put the idea in my head.

[–]wajaba 55 points56 points  (6 children)

how many body doubles will we have to bribe to get into your inner circle

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 188 points189 points  (5 children)

My "inner circle" consists of:

  • Me
  • Whatever I have in my pockets
  • Whomever I am strangling and/or having sex with at that particular moment in time

So, unless you turn into a pen or start wearing cowboy hats, you're not getting anywhere near my inner circle.

[–]WifkyRijanarko 116 points117 points  (5 children)

Would you fight 1000 Midget-Sized Warriors or 1 Warrior-Sized Psycho?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 241 points242 points  (1 child)

1 Warrior-Sized Psycho. I think you're severely underestimating the deadliness of Pandora's little people.

[–]decinis 53 points54 points  (2 children)

What does a typical night on Elpis look like for Handsome Jack?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 134 points135 points  (1 child)

If I'm on my game, it looks like a really angry-looking Nisha trying to break my esophagus.

If I'm not on my game, I shoot hoops.

[–]crazychilidog 56 points57 points  (1 child)

So I ordered a Hyperion Tech High Grade Industrial Superstar Max 7040(TM) about six months ago and it still hasn't came in the mail yet. How come your shipping is such garbage?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 125 points126 points  (0 children)

Probably because it's busy filling requests to sentient chili dogs instead of, I don't know, shipping me additional robot reinforcements and food.

[–]BigJC103 57 points58 points  (2 children)

If you could re-purpose a CL4P-TP unit into any house hold object, what would it be

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 142 points143 points  (1 child)

Kindling

[–]thewalexHyperion Science Divsion Rookie 158 points159 points  (2 children)

Hey Jack!

I'm currently a graduate student research assistant, but what I really want to do is work for you on the Moon (once I defend my thesis)! Does Hyperion's science division currently have any openings I could apply for?

Can I just give you my curriculum vitae directly, or is there a website where I can submit it?

Thanks, A.K. Wolf

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 224 points225 points  (1 child)

I was initially going to turn you down cause you're not a hot chick, but your resume convinced me. Head on up in a few hours. That's about as long as the poison will take to run its course on your predecessor.

[–]thewalexHyperion Science Divsion Rookie 25 points26 points  (0 children)

If I get there early, am I welcome to finish him off in his weakened state?

I considered including a pin up, hoping you'd see that and miss that I'm a guy. But I knew better than to try to slip one by you!

[–]ductaperecorder 51 points52 points  (2 children)

I can't think of any questions, I just wanted to say you're my hero and I want to be like you when I grow up!

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 144 points145 points  (1 child)

Good.

You won't be.

But good.

[–]gemini-siren 49 points50 points  (2 children)

Hey - I work in the office adjacent to yours, and I keep hearing these WEIRD noises coming from behind locked doors... what's going on in there?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 103 points104 points  (1 child)

Shut up. Keep working. Shut up.

[–]Ms4smanI'm the conductor of the poop train! 99 points100 points  (15 children)

What brand of pretzels do you buy? After all, I wouldn't want to accidentally buy pretzels that suck.

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 219 points220 points  (14 children)

Funny story: my assistant had replaced my usual brand with those, like, Pop Chip things? The little styrofoam bastards, taste like your grandmother's back?

Yeah, his family's gonna miss him.

[–]ValdraxNumbers, numbers, math-math-math. 44 points45 points  (3 children)

How did your grandmother end up on Pandora?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 122 points123 points  (2 children)

I moved her there so I could keep an eye on her. If I'd left her on Hera, she might have finished that spanking gun she was working on.

You know that asshole sent me birthday cards with no money in them?

Wish she'd died slower. God.

[–]BallisticGE0RGEThe Bandit Show 44 points45 points  (1 child)

Any good advice for removing blood stains from fine fabrics?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 104 points105 points  (0 children)

What? Just get your man to do it for you. Are you kidding me with this?

[–]Tommyzan 45 points46 points  (2 children)

Jack,

What's your life philosophy? I need direction in my life. And chips. And a chocolate shake. Can you help?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 117 points118 points  (1 child)

My life philosophy is "be a good guy, save people, kill bad guys, eat cinnamon rolls if you really want to, listen to Taylor Swift, strangle underlings."

[–]Rebel350 50 points51 points  (9 children)

I suspect my roommate is colluding with Dahl. What do you suggest I do?

What's your preferred method of taking down evildoers?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 88 points89 points  (3 children)

Depends. What's he deathly allergic to, and can you find a way to subtly sneak it into his food without making it look like you did it?

[–]AJockeysBallsackCome on, lady, I'm not *that* cool... 215 points216 points  (11 children)

Wait, I thought this was Pre-Sequel Jack. STOP SAYING STUFF ABOUT HOW HE DIES HORRIBLY IN BL2, IT WILL SPOIL THE GAME FOR HIM.

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 412 points413 points  (9 children)

What's BL2

[–]Jarl__BallinCritical, bitch! 310 points311 points  (6 children)

Backdoor Lesbos 2

[–]Mendicantbias00 47 points48 points  (0 children)

Never you mind.

[–]GrandmasterB-Funk 45 points46 points  (3 children)

In the Pre-sequel, are we gonna get to see your softer, cuddlier side?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 111 points112 points  (1 child)

Sure, yeah. I don't kill as many people, so I guess that's softer.

[–]ombrophilia 45 points46 points  (2 children)

How do you address the various paternity claims made against you by the former CEO of S&S Munitions?

[–]N3WM4NH4774NShow me some BLOOD! 85 points86 points  (1 child)

Hi Jack!

I'm a huge fan, I've read all about how you opened the vault on Pandora and slew the Destroyer, great job!!! Thanks for doing this AMA.

Now for my question: I'm stuck here in the slums on Promethea, I really want to get offworld and come work for Hyperion. Any advise?

Thanks a bazillion! N3WM4NH4774N

[–]HelixDnB 40 points41 points  (9 children)

Do you have any more grade school photos to share?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 78 points79 points  (8 children)

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 77 points78 points  (7 children)

Here's another good one. This is me dressed up for private school.

I was eight.

http://bitcast-a-sm.bitgravity.com/slashfilm/wp/wp-content/images/extras02.jpg

[–]Paulie36 82 points83 points  (8 children)

How is Butt Stallion doing? and Have you gotten better playing the violin?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 278 points279 points  (6 children)

She's alright. Accidentally speared one her of handlers with that bi-horn thingy, and she kinda cries a lot and tries to break free of her chains, but I'm pretty sure that's just how diamond ponies express happiness.

And I am sick as hell at the violin now. I can play Wonderwall.

[–]AJockeysBallsackCome on, lady, I'm not *that* cool... 121 points122 points  (3 children)

I can play Wonderwall.

See, douchebags play Wonderwall on guitar. Artists play it on violin.

[–]13Graves 81 points82 points  (3 children)

Handsome, why are they even CALLED Sirens? I mean, they don't lure seamen to their death or anything. What do you think a better name for them is?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 231 points232 points  (1 child)

"Macguffins"

[–]decinis 76 points77 points  (10 children)

Inquiring minds want to know... what do you smell like?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 176 points177 points  (9 children)

When I'm angry: fresh-baked cookies

When I'm aroused: burning flesh

When I'm eating fresh-baked cookies: strangulation

[–]scorpianman42 77 points78 points  (17 children)

What is your favorite fruit?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 175 points176 points  (16 children)

Grapefruit. If you're imaginative -- which, obviously I am -- you can find some pretty neat uses of citrus as an enhanced interrogation technique. Acidic foods, babe.

[–]decinis 112 points113 points  (2 children)

When you become president, will you have whoever wrote the AI for the CL4P-TP units arrested for their unspeakable crimes against humanity?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 381 points382 points  (1 child)

"Arrested"

Pahahahahahahahhahahaahahah

Oh my god I can't

Aahahhahahahahahahahhaah

Arrested

Oh god

Aahahahah

This friggin guy

[–]gabrim 138 points139 points  (9 children)

Did you ride Buttstallion to the top of Dragon Keep?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 680 points681 points  (5 children)

You're asking if I rode my diamond-encrusted horse to the top of an imaginary location inside a crazy little girl's head?

Yeah, good question, thanks for asking. Super glad I did this.

[–]high_sideSurplus rifle 38 points39 points  (2 children)

That was the Handsome Sorcerer in a completely made up game, DUH.

[–]decinis 37 points38 points  (4 children)

You're (thankfully!) not to blame for the CL4P-TP units' AI... but what sorts of things HAVE you been in charge of programming/writing code for at Hyperion?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 107 points108 points  (3 children)

Social media, synergy, content, value, branding, brand messaging, content creation, value dynamics, dynamic values, content, mindshare, positively impacting purchase intent, Battleborn is: FPS; hobby-grade coop campaign; genre-blended, multi-mode competitive e-sports; meta-growth, choice + epic Battleborn Heroes

[–]Stead 74 points75 points  (2 children)

Do you like my Tattoo? :p

www.tickld.com/pic/t/974265

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 145 points146 points  (1 child)

Yes. Now get a mirrored one on your other leg so they can kiss.

[–]Scribshanks 37 points38 points  (1 child)

Jack, I'm looking for a new job. I'm an communications engineer at the moment, but I'm looking to move to death traps / super weapons. Can you help me out?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 80 points81 points  (0 children)

Just start building them on your own time. Hyperion really appreciates a can-do, self-motivated perspective on mass murder.

[–]BlazurSup 102 points103 points  (5 children)

Hey H.Jack, I just want you to know that in the future I'm going to be the guy that kills you and foils all your plans. What do you have to say about that?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 300 points301 points  (4 children)

Nothing, apart from the vaguely orgasmic grunts I'll be making as I crush your windpipe with my thumbs. And I guess the "oh wow, you're the best" noises your loved ones will be making as they cheer me on. And the sloppy, wet sound of me subsequently making out with your loved ones. And the sloppy, wet sound of me subsequently killing your loved ones.

[–]groovyskillz 66 points67 points  (8 children)

So, is Handsome legally part of your name? Or is it a title, like Doctor, or Professor? If So, would you kindly 'Handsome' me please?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 195 points196 points  (5 children)

I don't respond to people who use BioShock references on me. BioShock was

[TRANSMISSION INTERCEPTED REWRITING MESSAGE TEXT]

BIOSHOCK IS A QUALITY PRODUCT BY 2K GAMES REALLY THE ENTIRE SERIES FROM BIOSHOCK TO BIOSHOCK 2 TO BIOSHOCK INFINITE TO THE RECENTLY ANNOUNCED BIOSHOCK ON THE IPAD ARE ALL QUALITY EXPERIENCES AND SHOULD BE A PART OF ANY TRUE GAMER'S COLLECTION

"WOULD YOU KINDLY" CATCH BIOSHOCK FEVER HA HA HA HA

But that's just my opinion, so whatever.

[–]_AxtonTheCommando_Meet my Girlfriend 67 points68 points  (1 child)

I'm an unemployed up-and-coming vault hunter that definitely has no past affiliations with one of Hyperion's greatest competitors looking for a way around Pandora. Could you suggest a rail line?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 100 points101 points  (0 children)

I've got just the one.

[–]diosamente 62 points63 points  (1 child)

Jack you Handsome bastard! How can I keep my skin smooth into my midlife without eridium? And are those cheekbones inherited or some sort of plastic surgery deal?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 160 points161 points  (0 children)

"Inherited" is such a flavorless word. "Forcibly removed from Eden-6's most famous actor and jammed into my jawline," I can get behind.

[–]hulachan 67 points68 points  (1 child)

Is there anything funnier than a three-legged hamster walking on chopstick stilts?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 223 points224 points  (0 children)

Yes.

Your family dying

[–]AgentsOfTheValley 29 points30 points  (4 children)

What's the worst idea you've seen put into action?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 155 points156 points  (3 children)

"What if we made a sitcom about nerds"

[–]sofakingreatI want to drown in your blood! 62 points63 points  (2 children)

Did you ever get better pretzels?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 140 points141 points  (1 child)

No.

Jesus goddamn wept.

[–]RdJokrEVERYBODY GETS A BULLET! 60 points61 points  (5 children)

On a scale of 1-10, how hot is Nisha?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 152 points153 points  (3 children)

I don't want to say. She might read this. That'd be weird. It's weird to say how hot you find someone, right? You have to be, like, cool about it.

So five? Like five? Or is that insulting?

Six?

[–]Mendicantbias00 58 points59 points  (6 children)

Will you be my dad?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 184 points185 points  (5 children)

Statistically speaking, I probably am anyway.

[–]Pochama999PC 27 points28 points  (1 child)

What's your opinion of Jeffrey Blake? I hear you two don't exactly get along. Also, what do you think of the Torgue Company and Mr. Torgue?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 68 points69 points  (0 children)

He's pretty ass at getting me stuff when I need it. And he's needlessly nice to bandits. And I'm pretty sure he wants to get me killed so he can take my job.

Actually, now that you mention it, that guy's a dick.

[–]seaatar 30 points31 points  (1 child)

Being such a handsome man as yourself, you must have the correct answer to this question.

Boxers or Briefs?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 77 points78 points  (0 children)

Look, you may not know this, but when you start wearing designer clothes, you need to switch to tight boxer-brief combinations. Nobody wears briefs anymore, and boxers ride up so high that people can see them and you look silly.

It's like you've never talked to my personal stylist or something.

[–]TheAnt06 27 points28 points  (2 children)

How do I get to be like you? You know, the coolest dude in the whole universe with everything he wants

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 67 points68 points  (1 child)

Pahahahahaahahaha

You don't.

[–]glenheartless 28 points29 points  (3 children)

after ultimate vault hunter there should be a new difficulty: Handsome vault hunter mode. Same with guns: Handsome guns! only drops from handsome badasses like yourself!

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 76 points77 points  (2 children)

A Handsome difficulty would mean nothing's ever difficult because you're perfect.

[–]dootvar 24 points25 points  (1 child)

Why not use the moonbase to turn the surface of Pandora to glass and start fresh with a new Eridian Utopia? You want to build a new city to attract citizens and labor. You want to harvest Eridium. You have a weapon that is arguably even more powerful than the Eridian Warrior. You have no hesitation about culling the local population. Why not purge the planet and rebuild it in your image?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 69 points70 points  (0 children)

Cause my moonbase doesn't work like that.

Anymore.

Catch Borderlands The Pre-Sequel fever

[–]SpecterGT260 27 points28 points  (2 children)

Mr. Jack, I have this recurring issue where I eat a sandwich and end up strangling on it a little bit. I'm told I just eat too fast and should chew more carefully to avoid strangling on my food. I think this is BS...

Any tips?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 61 points62 points  (1 child)

God, what is it with you people not knowing the difference between choking and strangulation?

[–]zegleipnierI HAVE THE SHINIEST MEAT BICYCLE 51 points52 points  (4 children)

I have a question for Mr Perfect! (That's you, baby)

Some.... people have spread rumors that you worked as a low level programmer at Hyperion.

If the rumor is true, what was your role in the company, and how did it help become so damn handsome?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 105 points106 points  (3 children)

I definitely did. Not ashamed of it. Learned a lot. Hacked a lot of servers, got a lot of good juicy stuff on the board of directors. Watched a lot of porn on company bandwidth.

The best way to get outta that role, though, is to illegally commandeer a satellite and get evidence justifying your hunch that Pandora is a goddamn Eridium motherlode. I tell that to all my proteges. Just do that.

[–]dabrules 72 points73 points  (9 children)

Where the hell do you buy a diamond horse?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 247 points248 points  (3 children)

If you have to ask, you can't afford it.

[–]jshimmy 47 points48 points  (3 children)

Is there anything I can do to become even half as great as you?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 139 points140 points  (2 children)

Aw, you're cute.

Nah.

[–]PhoenixMichi 49 points50 points  (7 children)

Which Vault Hunter would you want to turn into a cyborg like Wilhelm?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 146 points147 points  (6 children)

Nisha. Her clench could be tighter.

[–]AJockeysBallsackCome on, lady, I'm not *that* cool... 56 points57 points  (4 children)

Damn, did you just tell thousands of people that Nisha has a loose cooch?

I mean, it's your right to say what you want, but I dunno if she'd like it. Or who knows, maybe she would. She seems like a pretty cool chick. You know, for being a ruthless killer and gun-for-hire.

Since you brought up the subject, is it true that you can actually walk inside of Moxxi's love bucket?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 149 points150 points  (2 children)

What? No. Her hand.

Jesus.

You're the worst.

[–]gabrim 72 points73 points  (4 children)

Does slag run thru your veins?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 158 points159 points  (3 children)

If by "slag" you mean "a cocktail of coffee, hard drugs and some bandit saliva thanks to that one time I left my turbolimo for eight seconds on a quick visit to Pandora" then yeah, sure, slag.

[–]inesanity 23 points24 points  (2 children)

Did you ever think Taylor Swifts classic hit "You Belong With Me" was about us?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 51 points52 points  (1 child)

It was about all of us.

[–]Riantiada 19 points20 points  (2 children)

what haircare regimen would you recommend to make one's hair strong enough to strangle people with?

for science, you know. or whatever.

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 53 points54 points  (1 child)

Well, there's something I didn't know I was into until 30 seconds ago.

[–]KarmaBear184 19 points20 points  (1 child)

What makes you the biggest badass?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

My refusal to give direct answers to questions.

[–]AshuraVonXacto 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Any advice on killing a man with a spoon?

[–]HandsomeJackHyperionI'm such a rock star.[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

Wear goggles.

[–]ashhhhjx 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Would you say strangulation is something you do to get a job done or is it an underlying kink as well?